overture

the breeze stole my solidity, the sunshine my complexion

I want to say I’m sorry, I think

there is so much love in me that the acid in my stomach boils over

and I sit on my bed, gasping for air

the heat turned all my bones to liquid

the asphalt rocked me to sleep

I tasted redemption in the leaves that fell

and I made my home in the dirt 

I caught a whiff of cigarettes on the walk home

I said I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

the cacophony of living took the words out of my head 

boulders have taken up inside my lungs and they rattle when I breathe

I ask the clouds why I can’t remember what I meant to say

something to make amends 

the air whispers back just the echo of the clamor

of my teeth and fingernails and eyelids 

I face the symphony of change

the mad scramble of the rain against my forehead

I want to throw myself up against the chorus

but all it ever takes from me is my shame

I say it anyway, because nothing else ever makes it out

I say I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry 

every word I have ever thought or dreamed or resented 

is shoved back down my throat by a hurricane I cannot touch

I have love! There is so much love in me I quake with it!

the wind denies my softer side, the ocean my reflection

I meant to say I love you, I think

but as I stand outside in the purest confessional the world has to offer

all that’s heard are the reasons I am wrong

the grass turns to a marsh and starts to pull my body under

if I am drowned, let my mouth remain open

so one day I might hear the singing and screaming and wailing of life and death 

and say I am not here out of shame, but a boiling, solidifying love

2/14/24 12:33am