bess

I eat the same pasta for dinner every night

blended every three days in a blender I named bess 

it has spinach and cauliflower and things I need to keep my body strong

and I love bess and the things she lets me do 

like make the food that keeps my body strong

so I sit at my dinner table 

with my pasta made of green 

and I read the same thing I’ve read every night until now

because if the nights are all the same then time doesn’t pass

and I don’t get older with the world at my back

and I don’t wither away and the night isn’t so black 

and I don’t resent my dinner because the flavor’s still intact 

and bess is in the sink because she needs a wash 

and I’m out of dish soap and I’m out of trash bags

and I’m out of milk and cheese and paper towels 

and I’m out of motivation and one more minute of pretending 

I’m out of any fucks to give to keep my faith from bending

faith in me, let’s be clear, and the money that I’m spending 

just to wake another day to fight the fear that it’s all ending 

earlier today kids were listening to commercials and screaming from the grass outside 

my living room is empty now, although it won’t be later

and I still have things to pull from my dark refrigerator 

(the bulb is out and I haven’t had time to replace it) 

I had a dream the other night that I bought a shirt I’ve had my eye on 

and it was too big for me so you know it fit just right 

I’m afraid of the day I see green pasta and have to look the other way

what will bess think of me when I leave her empty like I am

I refuse to even think it 

but what more is there to do?

I eat the same pasta for dinner every night

1/11/24 10:28pm